Loving like God loves

The other day, as I was prepping myself and Josiah for his afternoon nap, something I had not yet realized occurred to me. Having read several books on children, babies and all there is to know about raising, caring, feeding, and training them, I realized that loving them was the result of our training, or lack thereof.

Before giving birth, David and I agreed on the ways in which we would train, set up schedules, and enforce discipline if necessary whether on Josiah or any future kids God gives us. Of course, our plans will probably change as we learn new things and get to know each one of our kids as individuals but for now, we try to remain consistent in what we agreed would be best for Josiah. Needless to say, we have him on a schedule that although is fairly strict, seems to flex nearly every few weeks depending on his growth, teething and other developments that are beyond our control.

So while getting him ready for his nap, he was especially hyper and active that day for the time that it was. I proceeded to lay him on my lap and began to rock him, holding him in a position that he could not wiggle out of. Now, he is a strong boy and even at just 10 months, he can and has on several occasions managed to overcome my attempts to hold him in position or keep him from certain items. He's quick, he's persistent, he's strong-willed and very charming with great potential to charm his way out of submission. His smile definitely make it harder to remain consistent in our training endeavors with him. He's learning what "No" means and likes to give us cute smiles after we tell him "No" about doing something or exhibiting a certain behavior. Anyways, (I digress so easily), that day, through his persistent efforts to get free from my arms and back onto the floor where his knick-knacks were, I realized that my loving him sometimes means, keeping him in a position he doesn't like, knowing it will be in his best interest. That day, he fought, whined, tried endlessly to squirm his way out of my arms, and literally had a fit for about 20 minutes until he finally gave up, grew weary, closed his eyes and fell into a 2-hour sleep.

I made a comment to my husband later, sharing how Josiah teaches us many things - specifically showing me more and more about God's love for his children. God loves us and desires the best for His children. God knows what we need, when we need it, and He knows what things will make us sick and what will put us in harm. Even more, God knows more about His children, then I can ever know about mine. That day, as Josiah wrestled in attempt to get free from my arms and pursue his own endeavors, I held him....I held him and didn't let him go. He was upset with me I'm sure, he was uncomfortable and desired to do his own thing - but I knew that if I didn't put him to nap soon, then the rest of his day would be altered in ways neither of us wanted. I love my son and so I hold him, while he whines, while he cries, while he fights to do something other than, while he is being trained to stay away from certain household hazards and while he learns to self-feed, communicate through signing, and give kisses, I love him.

It's definitely hard being a mom, I have a new appreciation for parents, especially single mothers and single fathers. I will never love the way that God loves his children, but I will do my very best to try, to not be afraid to say "No", to enforce and remain consistent in household duties and rules when Josiah becomes a teenager, to make myself available anytime Josiah wants to talk, to put all my personal tasks aside whenever he calls so that I can answer him, to teach him how to love his friends and to love people like God loves, to train him how to be a gentleman like his earthly and heavenly fathers, in short, I hope to train him up in the way he should go so that when he is older, he will not depart - even when the training is uncomfortable for us both.

Josiah's 7th tooth is in..or out..

My little boy is 9 months old already -can hardly believe how fast time flies. He is already at the point where he'd rather climb on top of me rather than be held in my arms, cradled and rocked :( - makes me sad but excited as well to know that he is developing appropriately and learning new things daily. I heard a woman say once to take advantage of enjoy every minute, celebrate each new milestone and soak in every second with your children because those times will soon turn into new ones.

A few days ago, I finally took another pregnancy test. David had been urgng me to take one for months now. Since I was at the student health center waiting with David for his appointment, I decided I might as well go to the walk-in clinic since I was already there. David and I would love to have more kids and have plans to adopt and/or foster - just at this moment in my life, in our life, another baby would make daily living a lot more difficult. Needless to say, the test came out "negative" and to my surprise, I felt a tad disappointed. Don't get me wrong - I was relieved that a newborn baby wouldnt be joining us in 8-9 months but for some reason, as I waited for the lab technician to return with the results, I found myself day-dreaming about how it would be to be pregnant again and have another little bundle of joy kicking in my womb and bundled up in my arms ----ahhh...such a beautiful feeling indeed. I thought of how fun it would be for Josiah to have a playmate his age in the home and how he will be such a good older brother. I also anticipate when David can hold his little princess who he can adore, I have my little boy already and for some reason, the relationship b/w a father and his daughter is sooo precious (God wills it to be so anyway) ...but the test was negative and my day dreaming paused at least for that moment. All in all, whenever the timing, I'm sure our next one will come at the perfect time and our family will be strong and energetic enough to manage 2 babies at the same time. Til then, we're enjoying parenthood. We enjoy spending time with our son, rolling on the floor with him, throwing him up in the air (David's bonding that scared me), pretend biting his little feet, playing in the snow and watching him grow. We absolutely adore Josiah and the gentle and joyful spirit that he naturally brings into our home. I'll take advantage and savor every new milestone he reaches, continue to take lots of photos (when he isnt trying to grab the camera) and we'll try our best to practice being patient with babies for the next one to come. Oh - and finally, what I meant to write about - his 7th tooth came out/came in (whichever it is) 2 days ago! His smile just got even cuter....