Places I've nursed

I was recently talking with a friend about nursing in public and we started going back and forth as to the places where we have nursed.  I decided that it would be a fun post to write about and a great thing to have these memories in writing for me to look back on whenever I'm feeling defeated, tired, or forget just how awesome and exciting raising kids can be :D

In no particular order:
1) An Airplane - numerous commercial flights from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh, to Orlando, to NYC and Santiago, Dominican Republic and everywhere in between. Not too exciting. When traveling solo with a baby, I tried to sit next to other moms with babies if there weren't two seats together.  I once sat between two grown men which was an interesting experience being as though my boys had a loud suck which often drew attention from people far across the room from me.  Needless to say, I may have flashed a few strangers if they happened to be staring right in my direction while nursing since none of my kids liked to have their faces covered by my "hooter hider" but...there are worse things that can happen.

2) In graduate school classes - I had to take my middle son to class for the first 3 weeks of a semester when he was 5-8 weeks old because the childcare center on campus only took infants at 8weeks.  All of my professors were supportive of the arrangements and for the most part, my son would nap throughout the 3-hour class.  We usually were given a 15 minute break which is when I might change a diaper or start nursing. Fortunately, infants sleep ALOT and my professors and peers were super supportive and loved having a baby in class.

3) In a Higher Education planning meeting - I would have avoided this situation if I could have but there was just no going around it.  I didn't have childcare, I had to go to this meeting and speak/give input and my son joined us.  He began to get fussy mid-way through the meeting so I just gave him the boob to keep him entertained and quiet - minus his loud sucking noises which were hard to ignore, I was grateful that nobody in the meeting made a big deal of it.

4) In a church service  - This is a no-brainer.  Nursing during a teaching or preaching.  Besides the loud burp my babies would make that happened to always coincide with the minister's silent pause in speech, all was fine.  Although I did read once that a mother was asked to leave church and told she could not breastfeed during service - this never happened to me.  It's important to note that I always use some kind of cover-up and am as modest and quiet as I can be so not to gain any attention.  **Churches that have mommy rooms or nursing rooms are also AWESOME!

5) New York City Subway - I've nursed a couple of my kids in the subways,  it was feeding time, and I nursed them.

6) The Intrepid Carrier - I was walking around, taking a tour, my son was hungry, I nursed him as we walked.  Nothing too exciting.

7) Local Parks - all the time.

8) California, Maryland and New Jersey Beaches

9) At friend's houses

10) At my house, in every room

11) In the shower

12) On the train - Amtrak train

13) In the movie theater

14) At the mall (In the kids play area, food court and while walking around)

15) Around an Outdoor Bonfire (In both public and private home settings)

16) At the local community swimming pool

17) In a Target aisle

18) In Sam's club

19) Inside PETCO while walking with my boys checking out the fish

20) At home - In my front yard, back yard, drive-way, bathroom, all 3 bedrooms, family room, every room basically except for the closets and the garage.

21) Can't seem to think anymore right now..kids woke up from naps..I'll have to revise this later..

Tips on Being Married to an Introvert

I came across a few articles recently on the topic of "Extroverts married to Introverts".  As I approach my 6-year wedding anniversary, I realize how much I am still learning about my husband - how he gains energy, interacts and all that is involved with how we, together, socially interact, refuel emotionally and in essence, how WE live this thing called life.

Introverts find social interaction to be TIRING - perhaps even EXHAUSTING.  This can have a HUGE impact on a marriage, which usually revolves around doing things, going places, raising children TOGETHER. Extroverts such as I, have a tendency to think they are right, the way we choose to spend our time is RIGHT and that there is something wrong with the introvert - which can cause some problems.  It is reported that Extroverts make up about 80% of the world's population with Introverts being in the minority (20%).  Chances are, you know an introvert and could likely marry, be married to be very close to one.  Introversion is not the same as being shy, socially awkward or antisocial. Introversion simply means that spending time by yourself helps you to have energy, while spending time with people - depletes your energy, making one "moody, grumpy, irritable, closed-off" and any other number of things that one must learn to cope with. This energy is usually emotional or mental, but can frequently translate to physical energy, as well.  Social situations like parties or sporting events are simply "over-stimulating", even if it appears that an introvert is having fun - which can be the CONFUSING part for the "non-introvert" within the marriage. With all of that said, Introversion can be a challenging trait to bring into a marriage ALTHOUGH the same can be said for EXTROVERSION.

The following is a brief overview of my personal experience as well as some general tips for making introversion WORK in your marriage.  It is possible.  Challenging at times, but very possible.

My story: David and I began our courtship living across the country from one another so his introversion came as somewhat of a "WHAT?! WHY?!" kind of reaction.  I wasn't exposed to his "introversion" until we were married.  Yes, that's right, it wasn't until our honeymoon actually that I first had the reaction of "Why don't you want to explore the Bahamas all day?!" type of reaction.  During our courtship, we only saw eachother in-person 27 days and those days and I think we were both excited to be around eachother that I didn't notice any introversion tendencies.  During our engagement we spent maybe 1 day a week together and again, our excitement for exploring restaurants together or attending social gatherings with one another was nothing out of the norm for me.  It wasn't until after we married, that we moved into our own apartment together and finally, we were spending every day/night together - more time than ever before that I began to notice just how different our personalities were from one another. I don't consider myself a complete Extrovert and enjoy some quiet/alone time too and I won't begin to consider my personality to be "superior" by any means.  I had studied the terms introvert/extrovert in college psychology courses yet it took me years to truly grasp that I was married to an Introvert.  I couldn't understand why David would complain about going to social gatherings or to my family's house for holiday weekends or why it seemed he always just wanted to be home.  A true homebody is what I would refer him as while I was the "busy-bee", always trying to make plans outside our home.  The birth of our first born son only heightened my annoyances with my husband's introversion as I couldn't fathom how my husband could possibly argue about NOT wanting to spend an entire day at Disneyland or attend 2 kid-birthday parties in a row on a Saturday afternoon.  Our son would LOVE doing those things so how could we not want to take him or do those things with our child?! Am I right or am I right?! 

Today: My marriage today is successful and although we still have arguments about how his introversion meshes into our family of five with all of the social events that go on - I am proud of my marriage, proud of where we are, the genuine love and mutual respect that we have for one another. I admit that I still struggle at times with not being understanding or respectful of my husband's need to have his "alone time" so that he can REFUEL his emotional energy BUT after several years of practice, long hours of discussion, numerous arguments had, lots of literature read on the subject, prayer and lots of apologizing, I have a few pieces of knowledge, words of advice, whatever you want to call this list, to share.  I hope someone reading this might find it helpful and KNOW that I too am practicing these tips and STRIVING to do these better myself every new day.  If you're married to an Introvert too, remember that this world is an Extrovert World, so imagine how difficult it is for our spouse to live daily where most people do not care to understand Introversion. Let's love and embrace our spouse, accept them and as the serenity prayer goes, pray for the wisdom to know the difference.  (*The list is derives from several articles that I read in an effort to be a better wife to an introvert and quite possibly, a mother to one)

1. Be LOVE

Love is patient, love is kind, love does not get angry.  Easy to say, at times - very hard to do. These are things I still struggle with but I am working on. I have recognized that I can be demanding and "demanding" shuts him down, which makes me more demanding, which makes him shut down that much more. It is a vicious cycle. The key is breaking the cycle. Be love and ask God to help you both.

• 2. Set aside time for your spouse to be a homebody

  A little alone time is simply more important to your spouse’s well-being than social interaction. That means you may be sitting on the couch watching a movie more often than you thought you were going to or limiting how long you stay at a social gathering together.  Just keep in mind that your spouse is sitting there, watching that movie with you, which means that you have been invited into his/her private bubble. From an introvert's view, that is a LOT of love! Also, if your spouse enjoys hanging out in his man-cave, gets energized by playing video games or rebuilding his computer at home or doing any number of seemingly "isolated/alone" tasks that we DON"T GET, let them be, let them enjoy that (as long as it isn't harming anyone) and realize that they are home and "not out at a bar or hanging with their guys" as my husband likes to tell me. Oh, and just for the record, interrupting his/her "alone time" for a quick hug and kiss is perfectly acceptable!

  3. Be willing to cancel plans and create alternatives

  Let’s say you and your spouse have plans to go to a birthday dinner party on Friday night. You’re both excited about it, although you expect your spouse to talk to only one or two close friends while you circle the room. Now let’s say your spouse had unexpected meetings at work that day and feels extra stressed, leaving him feeling totally drained. A dinner party, even with friends that you look forward to seeing, can be REALLY exhausting and even kind of PARALYZING at that point.  This part can be VERY hard to do but "Adapting your plans accordingly will help your spouse feel loved and cared for".  

  4. Ask your spouse questions. Email/Text are more than fine.

  Use open ended questions sparingly. Open ended questions will only provide disappointment when the answer that is expected is not given. Start with small, closed ended "yes or no" questions. This will lead into open ended questions and then perhaps, a conversation!  Also, asking questions is important but must be done at the right time-you'll figure out when this time is. Now, your spouse may not realize that you want to even know what they think since generally they keep their thoughts private (in part because they have so many of them).  Since introverts find social situations less appealing than extroverts, they may have a hard time communicating their needs simply because they don’t have as much practice! That’s why it is important to ask questions if you want information.  Asking them in an email, using bullet-points so not to overwhelm them, or via text message is also a useful tip. 

  5. Entertain yourself

  If you expect your introverted sweetheart to be engaged with you all the time, you’re going to be disappointed, not to mention, lonesome. Schedule some time to hang out with friends if your social needs are not being met, or at the very least, find something to do that makes YOU excited.  You may even plan trips with other family members or friends that you would enjoy that your spouse might feel too overwhelmed to share with you.  This is another hard one for me, especially with our growing family of three children - but I am grateful that my husband encourages me to do things on my own - as long as HE is the one I come home and tell all of my stories to.  For the record, Extroverts (or Ambiverts --- between the two) also benefit and even CRAVE ALONE TIME as well  - just not as often.

  7. Compromise. 

• If I could give one word to sum up what it takes to survive any kind of relationship between introverts and extroverts or in any marriage for that matter, it is COMPROMISE. In everything you and your spouse do together whether it be date nights, watching movies, enjoying conversation, and even raising children, the key is compromise.  

In closing, marriage is a beautiful thing.  No marriage is easy. Marriages between an introvert and an extrovert have an extra set of challenges BUT it is still very good.  Work at it, don't grow weary, find hope in knowing that God created you both to be UNIQUE and to GROW in love TOGETHER!