Growing weary

Have you ever wanted to just do something rebellious, despite your convictions because you were tired of always doing good? Maybe it's not the "doing good" part, but more like the "I'm working harder, waiting in lines longer, putting up with more attitude from people at the store, having to listen to a telemarketers full schpeel til I can politely let them know "I ain't interested ..but thank you". Indeed, it's hard trying to do right and so tempting to do otherwise. I was feeling like this recently and talked to my husband about it.

So While going through life, it's so easy to take short-cuts, to cheat a lil here and there, tell that friend or just acquaintance of yours what they want to hear so to avoid a long disagreement or discussion. It's so much easier to do what's best for You right now, rather than for the person you were called to be.

It just doesn't seem right sometimes...it's feels as though doing good by people is almost a punishment, or at least can sure feel like one. In this fleshly, tired body of mine, life would be a whole lot more convenient if I got a full nights rest unbroken by the restlessness of Josiah whose schedule is all messed up right now due to teething (and the Starbucks I've been drinking lately). Even when he finally does nap, there's a list of other things going on like tending to the hubby, dishes, school work and other things that although benefit me in the long run are primarily tended to for reasons beyond myself.

All I know is that I shouldn't grow weary for doing right. I shouldn't complain because man...my life is good - and it really is compared to the large majority of the rest of the world. And to be completely honest, even when I feel weary, when I just wanna go to sleep rather than cook dinner for my family or listen to a stressed out friend about issues going on in her life, or whatever frustrations I have when I see others getting away with not doing the "right" thing, I realize that I am still content, I am happy, and I am blessed to be given such a strong conviction and I thank God for His grace as I remember the words of Jesus "Do not grow weary for doing what is good, for in due season, we will reap a harvest of blessing". Galations 6:9

Indeed, my husbands encouragement made me feel less weary at that moment. Although I already knew these things, it felt good to be listened to, and encouraged from somebody whom I respect, deeply admire, and love and from somebody who in my opinion, does more right than anyone else I know. Now he is a stickler for doing right and does not hesitate to put me in check when I speed even just 3 miles over the speed limit!! haha,,,speeding is speeding he says .....

Loving like God loves

The other day, as I was prepping myself and Josiah for his afternoon nap, something I had not yet realized occurred to me. Having read several books on children, babies and all there is to know about raising, caring, feeding, and training them, I realized that loving them was the result of our training, or lack thereof.

Before giving birth, David and I agreed on the ways in which we would train, set up schedules, and enforce discipline if necessary whether on Josiah or any future kids God gives us. Of course, our plans will probably change as we learn new things and get to know each one of our kids as individuals but for now, we try to remain consistent in what we agreed would be best for Josiah. Needless to say, we have him on a schedule that although is fairly strict, seems to flex nearly every few weeks depending on his growth, teething and other developments that are beyond our control.

So while getting him ready for his nap, he was especially hyper and active that day for the time that it was. I proceeded to lay him on my lap and began to rock him, holding him in a position that he could not wiggle out of. Now, he is a strong boy and even at just 10 months, he can and has on several occasions managed to overcome my attempts to hold him in position or keep him from certain items. He's quick, he's persistent, he's strong-willed and very charming with great potential to charm his way out of submission. His smile definitely make it harder to remain consistent in our training endeavors with him. He's learning what "No" means and likes to give us cute smiles after we tell him "No" about doing something or exhibiting a certain behavior. Anyways, (I digress so easily), that day, through his persistent efforts to get free from my arms and back onto the floor where his knick-knacks were, I realized that my loving him sometimes means, keeping him in a position he doesn't like, knowing it will be in his best interest. That day, he fought, whined, tried endlessly to squirm his way out of my arms, and literally had a fit for about 20 minutes until he finally gave up, grew weary, closed his eyes and fell into a 2-hour sleep.

I made a comment to my husband later, sharing how Josiah teaches us many things - specifically showing me more and more about God's love for his children. God loves us and desires the best for His children. God knows what we need, when we need it, and He knows what things will make us sick and what will put us in harm. Even more, God knows more about His children, then I can ever know about mine. That day, as Josiah wrestled in attempt to get free from my arms and pursue his own endeavors, I held him....I held him and didn't let him go. He was upset with me I'm sure, he was uncomfortable and desired to do his own thing - but I knew that if I didn't put him to nap soon, then the rest of his day would be altered in ways neither of us wanted. I love my son and so I hold him, while he whines, while he cries, while he fights to do something other than, while he is being trained to stay away from certain household hazards and while he learns to self-feed, communicate through signing, and give kisses, I love him.

It's definitely hard being a mom, I have a new appreciation for parents, especially single mothers and single fathers. I will never love the way that God loves his children, but I will do my very best to try, to not be afraid to say "No", to enforce and remain consistent in household duties and rules when Josiah becomes a teenager, to make myself available anytime Josiah wants to talk, to put all my personal tasks aside whenever he calls so that I can answer him, to teach him how to love his friends and to love people like God loves, to train him how to be a gentleman like his earthly and heavenly fathers, in short, I hope to train him up in the way he should go so that when he is older, he will not depart - even when the training is uncomfortable for us both.

Josiah's 7th tooth is in..or out..

My little boy is 9 months old already -can hardly believe how fast time flies. He is already at the point where he'd rather climb on top of me rather than be held in my arms, cradled and rocked :( - makes me sad but excited as well to know that he is developing appropriately and learning new things daily. I heard a woman say once to take advantage of enjoy every minute, celebrate each new milestone and soak in every second with your children because those times will soon turn into new ones.

A few days ago, I finally took another pregnancy test. David had been urgng me to take one for months now. Since I was at the student health center waiting with David for his appointment, I decided I might as well go to the walk-in clinic since I was already there. David and I would love to have more kids and have plans to adopt and/or foster - just at this moment in my life, in our life, another baby would make daily living a lot more difficult. Needless to say, the test came out "negative" and to my surprise, I felt a tad disappointed. Don't get me wrong - I was relieved that a newborn baby wouldnt be joining us in 8-9 months but for some reason, as I waited for the lab technician to return with the results, I found myself day-dreaming about how it would be to be pregnant again and have another little bundle of joy kicking in my womb and bundled up in my arms ----ahhh...such a beautiful feeling indeed. I thought of how fun it would be for Josiah to have a playmate his age in the home and how he will be such a good older brother. I also anticipate when David can hold his little princess who he can adore, I have my little boy already and for some reason, the relationship b/w a father and his daughter is sooo precious (God wills it to be so anyway) ...but the test was negative and my day dreaming paused at least for that moment. All in all, whenever the timing, I'm sure our next one will come at the perfect time and our family will be strong and energetic enough to manage 2 babies at the same time. Til then, we're enjoying parenthood. We enjoy spending time with our son, rolling on the floor with him, throwing him up in the air (David's bonding that scared me), pretend biting his little feet, playing in the snow and watching him grow. We absolutely adore Josiah and the gentle and joyful spirit that he naturally brings into our home. I'll take advantage and savor every new milestone he reaches, continue to take lots of photos (when he isnt trying to grab the camera) and we'll try our best to practice being patient with babies for the next one to come. Oh - and finally, what I meant to write about - his 7th tooth came out/came in (whichever it is) 2 days ago! His smile just got even cuter....

The start of something new

I was compelled a few weeks ago to begin writing again. Not just writing, but journaling my life as it passes by and sharing it with the world - whoever wants to read anyway. I've been on a different kind of journey for some time now. As a new mom, I count myself tremendousely blessed. I have an amazing husband who is very loving, passionate and supportive of me and all that I desire - even more, he's in love with God - our Creator, Savior, Jehovah - our Redeemer! We were overwhelmed with joy when Josiah, our son came into our lives - he is such a joyful, gentle beautiful child and God granted me a healthy pregnancy and I would say, Supernational childbirth with a peaceful and short labor and delivery and no medications - answering and even exceeding all our prayers. I was also able to continue with my schooling, something that caused me some anger once we found out we were pregnant because I thought i'd for sure have to drop out due to finances, time, and my desire to take care of our son. It's definitely been a hard road but one that will pay off this May when I graduate my my Masters in Social Work! woohoo- thank you Jesus! As a present, graduation comes the day before Josiah's 1st Birthday! Although I live thousands of miles away from where home is, my heart has changed for West Virginia and I now have a home here too. A home with my family, great friends, mentors, a body of fellow believers to worship and fellowship with and the birthing of new ministry. With all that is going on in my life whether at home as a wife or mom or as a student, daughter, sister and friend - one can imagine that there is never a dull moment. To think that just a few years ago, my life was completely different and I was living single, traveling the world, had my own place in a suburb of Los Angeles, enjoying a rather satisfying life, going out every weekend - working hard but playing hard too. I am so glad that I decided to finally surrender my entire life and my every plan (and there were many plans) and allow God to write my story - one of genuine love, peace, and victory. God definitely writes the best stories for our lives when we give him the pen to our canvases and allow him to!

Letter to friends (05/21/09 Baby Boy Josiah!)

Josiah David Abreu was Born on Sunday, May 17 @ 8:47 pm weighing 8 pounds 15 ounces. He was pushed out in 27 minutes and was said to be a "model labor" and "amazing" by nurses and our mid-wife. We prayed that God would be glorified and were believing for a painless childbirth. Although Carmen's childbirth was not completely painless, I would say that 90% of the pain was not felt because of Gods Holy presence, and our faith in Jesus breaking the curse of painful child bearing. This is a testimony to Gods goodness and mercy. Josiah is a calm, joyful kid, who is very special and very loved. TO our friends and family we love you, thank you for all the support. To our moms and Dads, thank you for bringing us into this world. To Our Father God, you are awesome, cause this was all your idea, and you are truly Good! Please froward this to whoever since I don't have everyone's email! Thanks. Here's the link to a video of Josiah 20 min. after his birth:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiydVCwiLoA (i'll be adding more videos shortly) Attached pictures are of Josiah's 1st day and 2nd day as we were about to leave the hospital.  Carmen is pictured the day before Josiah was born as we were taking a walk through an arboretum.  This last link is our photographers page which should have Josiah's newborn pictures up by tonight and our maternity shoot taken a week and a half before Josiah's birth.  Feel free to check 'em out http://www.amberleechristey.com/photo-journal/carmen-david-maternity-photography-morgantown-wv-12-5-09 Love, David & Carmen Abreu

Letter to friends....(07/14/08 Carmen & David's Wedding Fiesta July 27th!)

Hello Family and Friends,

As some of you may know - I married my best friend a
little over a month ago on June 7th 2008 out here in
West Virginia - my new home.  David and I are excited
about our upcoming trip to So. Cali where we'll be for
a few days before heading off Phoenix, AZ for our
church World Conference.  

As our time in So Cali is limited, we've planned for a
special celebration with my side or shall I say now
"our" side of family & friends who weren't able to
make it on our Big Day.  So, David, my husband (a
native New Yorker) and I both invite you to share in
our joy, view our wedding video and photo albums while
celebrating with us while we're in town.  We plan to
visit his hometown and make our way the Dominican
Republic to visit his family on our next getaway. :) 

Invite is below: For those whom don't get graphics:
Date: Sunday, July 27th
Time: 3:00-5:30pm
Place: Ontario, CA - Clubhouse off the 10 fwy -Vine/D
Streets - near the Ontario Convention Center.


Hope you can make it - if not know that you are loved
and missed! 

Letter to friends (05/28/08 10 days til I say "I do"!)

I'm Counting Down for the day I will marry my Best
>Friend.  Time has passed by so fast I could hardly
>believe - Life, Ministry, Work, School, Family, and
>now Love :) has been at times, overly consuming
>especially as Wedding Plans have been well underway.
>Before, my body becomes One with another, I figured I
>should write at least one more update.  Also, it was
>about time I wrote another journal to capture these
>once in a lifetime moments.
>
>I've been residing with my parents in West Virginia
>for 8 whole months now, having relocated back in
>September 2007, leaving my work, apt, friends, family,
>church and home in California.  Since being here,
>things havn't been easy.  I experienced my first
>snow-filled winter, totaled my car on the icy December
>country roads, and nearly ran over bambi's entire
>family (deer) on my commutes to work and bible
>studies.  Despite being so far away from home, God has
>helped me to open my heart and make room to call WV my
>new home. (ahhh - trip out on that).
>
>Even though I live here with family, I had not lived
>with parents for five years leading up to my moving
>here.  Although their support has been incredible, I
>am so grateful that God has allowed David to be in my
>life or this transition.  God knew that David would be
>instrumental in helping me adjust to West Virginia
>life so that i can be a happier, more adjusted and
>content California girl among the hillbilly's and
>mountaineer folks out here.  I'll never forget the
>times I spent this past winter, shoveling snow and
>hard ice covering my entire car just so I can go to
>work.  Then on those rough winter nights when I'd have
>to shovel a snow-covered driveway at 1am to park my
>car after a long night at work :) (David would
>encourage me over the phone and remind me of God's
>sense of humor and plans for me)  Gracias mi amor...
>I committed to serving with my family out here in the
>ministries God entrusted them with and boy has it been
>a committment.  But God has been faithful, seeing me
>through every event, determining my steps every single
>day.
>
>Now we just got back from an East coast Women's
>retreat held May 23-25th which was planned by our very
>own "Women of Power" at Praise chapel Terra Alta.
>Endless hours went into planning the event but God
>definitely showed up and I'd have to say it was the
>best retreat I have ever attended.  I definitely took
>a step "out of the boat" and unloaded several things
>that were keeping me comfortably inside of it.  The
>these was "Stepping out of the Boat" based on the
>scripture "we have been crucified through Christ and
>we live by faith knowing that Christ lives inside of
>us" (Galations 2).  Over 80 Women joined together at
>Lakeview Resort in Morgantown from over 7 different
>churches across the East coast, in PA and WV. We were
>more blessed to have Sister Maria Corral from PC Las
>Vegas also join us along with another sister from her
>church.  The weekend could not have gone any better.
>
>Regarding my career. I'm still working at the
>drug/alcohol treatment center and purposing every day
>to share love with the adolecent clients.  Doors are
>opening and on several occassions, clients have asked
>me to pray for and with them so that they would sleep
>peacefully, for their families, court hearings, and
>strength to make it another day.  My heart breaks as
>the teenage clients share with me their past
>eperiences with abuse, rape, abondonment and
>prostituting their bodies as a means of obtaining
>drugs, and in attempt to find love.  When I committed
>to moving out here, I knew a big ministry I would
>serve with would be the youth - little did I know, it
>would be youth not from the church as I assumed, but I
>would be serving the youth on the streets whom have
>little to no hope in their futures, let alone their
>Savior.  Continue to pray with and for me as I allow
>God's light to shine through me and ultimitaly
>shedding light into their lives so that they will draw
>near to its Creator.
>
>God is so faithful and I know He has me there for such
>a time as this.  In going back to School this August
>for my Masters in Social Work degree, turns out, this
>facility will serve as my fieldwork placement as
>well...paid Internship...Amen! Where do I sign?
>
>So yes, life is busy, has been and will probably
>always be..but I'm loving life and looking forward to
>everything the future holds, for me, for my marriage
>with David, family, ministries, friends and everything
>else.
>
>10 Days and counting...David moved into our new home
>together and has been preparing the place for his
>bride.  Remember that God is so good and He does give
>you the desires of your heart, when you trust Him and
>put Him first in your life.
>
>Til next time -
>God Bless You and Yours
>
>Carmen Renteria