Letter to friends... (December 18, 2008 We're having a boy!)

Dear family & Friends,

In the face of what everybody is calling this national "economic
crisis", I am finding myself being blessed beyond measure - all thanks to
God.  Just wanted to share brief update with our family and friends since
announcing our pregnancy. (this may not be so brief after-all)

I'm happy to say that my first semester of Grad school went extremely well,
considering all of the fatigue, nausea and all of the symptoms that come with
pregnancy that i had to deal with :) there were several times during lectures
and discussion groups where i had to excuse myself to the ladies room or times
when i couldn't stare at the computer screen even though i had 10-page
papers to write.  Nevertheless, 1 semester is down, 3 to go and I'll be on
the Dean's List.  David couldn't be more supportive and the dozen roses
he surprised me on my last day of finals was truly just an example of the love
he's shown through-out this rather difficult semester.

Today, we had the baby's first sonogram and after watching our
 baby dance around, suck his thumb and pose for pictures, we were told that we're having a "boy".  We were really convinced that we would have a girl
considering all of the dreams and feelings we had but we are excited nonetheless
and ask for your continued prayers with the remainding pregnancy term.  Baby is
now half-way into term at 20 weeks old and Doctors' say he's perfectly
healthy weighing about 8 oz and around 6 inches in length.

I was tremendousely blessed today to be offered a job working as a private
contractor doing case management for pregnant women and women with children. 
Not only will I be learning more about babies and pregnancy but i'll be able
to also help and nurture women back into physical, emotional and mental health
through the services the agency provides. Along with being able to help other
women, this position will pay 3x's more than my current part-time salary and
will allow me to work from home and have a flexible schedule which has been a
prayer of mine and Davids for when the baby is born.  David and I were planning
on me staying home after I complete my internship placement hours so to avoid
any unnecessary harm to the baby (since i serve as a social work intern at a
residential treatment facility that can become violent at times).  Only God
knows because unlike social service programs, David's company is being
affected by the economy so this new job may just be the solution we'll be needing.  My new agency supervisor also assurred me that a maternity leave would be no problem, and that my pregnancy would actually benefit the clients I serve by giving them hope by exemplifying how a mother can also educate herself and/or be employed if they so choose.  This agency is also Christian-based and can also serve as my advanced internship
placement for my graduate program next year.  Truly, i
 couldn't be more blessed right now and am so grateful that God is in control of everything and He takes care of everything - more than we can ever imagine or do ourselves.

Okay, so i guess it wasn't so brief, but please, continue to keep my
family, my parents Pastor Wally & Norma and the entire church of Praise
Chapel Terra Alta, in your prayers.  We covet them all and appreciate all of the
sentiments from home (california), especially during this holiday season when
most of our family and friends are 3,000 miles away...

Miss You, Love you, God Bless You and Have yourselves a Merry Christmas and a
Happier New year!
Carmen Abreu

Boy Meets Girl: notes from a journal dated November 2007 (Summary of David & Carmen)

Boy Meets Girl

September 15, 2007 - David arrives in Los Angeles
  In preparation for her move from sunny California to the Mountain ranges in West Virginia, David flew one way to 
  accompany her and two friends, Cynthia and Debra on their cross- country trek.  Arriving a week before the set departure
date, David and Carmen spends time with family, her father, church relationship counselors, pastor and enjoy what may be the last
days of Carmen's life at home.

September 20, 2007 - Carmen moves to West Virginia
  After spending all morning doing the final cleaning, packing personal belongings, storing belongings and handing over the keys
of her VW Jetta, David and Carmen go for night on the town, double-dating with Carmen's long time friends Della nad her hubby Cal.
Checking out the Icehouse Comedy Spot in Pasadena after an awesome Japanese dining cuisine in which they shared a savory, delicious 
Salmon and Sushi rolls.  At 2am, Friday morning Cynthia and Debra arrive to pick them up and Carmen's home sweet home on Live Oak Street is no longer 
own.  The four drive cross- country on a journey of a lifetime. Missing the grand canyon in attempt to make it into Terra Alta for Sunday MOrning
Service.  Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Kansas and the unforgettable, Springfield Missouri in which we were blessed by meeting missionaries,
at Starbucks and heading out to a Chocolate factory on our way out.  Indiana, Ohio, kentucky, Pennsylvania and finally West Virginia. Finally, 
the four of us arrived just in time to freshen up for church on Sunday, September 23rd, 2007 for a one-year committment to serve alongside 
with Cynthia at Praise Chapel Terra Alta.

September 27th 2007 - Engagement
  It was a long, work filled day at her parents house where "sleeping-in" is hardly an option and there is always some kind of 
work to do.  David was over the house that day visiting for our 7 month anniversary.  Things didn't go as he planned and she was feeling tired
by the time their "quality time"came up.  Sitting on her parents front porch swing, their favorite places to converse while sipping hot cups of 
chai tea, David had to work over-time to romance and warm her over the exhaustion she felt.  After about an hour of swinging and staring into 
one another's eyes, as she layed and he stared down into her eyes, he brought up the conversation of dates they would marry.  MOnths before, he asked 
her not to bring marriage up until he initiated the conversation and so she patiently waited, though desired deeply to allow for dropped hints to lead 
the topic.  "How long will you wait for me to get married 3 Years?" Hesitant and a"larmed at the length David proposed, Carmen replied, 
"I can wait but don't you think that's too long?", "David replies "well we'll be able to buy a house then, be more financially secure and hopefully be finished 
with school by then to be at a more secure level", she replies "yes, thats true ...I guess...but I think we can be financially secure before then", "but, will
you wait? Will you wait 3 years to marry me?" "Yes, I will but really, I don't think we have to wait that long". Trying not to smile, David again proposed, 
"well how about 2 years? Will you wait?" "2 years is better than 3 but still, I think that we can marry sooner... but if you want to wait, then yes I'll wait".
Again, David asked, "okay, so what do you think about a year?", trying to hide her smile she replies "now thats more like it...I think a year or less than a year
is perfect, as soon as we start working, we can begin saving money and then consider marriage.  Just then, David looked down at Carmen and asked "Will you marry me?"  Unsure if that was a real question, Carmen asked "Really?! Are you asking me?..umm. ya, I'll marry you, were you really asking?  David replied "Yes!"   


To date (during courtship and early engagement, Books We've Read:
- Wild at Heart & Captivating
- Boy Meets Girl
- In Search of the Proverbs 31 Woman
- The Five Love Languages
- Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
- Love & Respect

Journey to WV: (September 28, 2008)

Update on life as Mrs. Abreu…


 Tomorrow marks the One year anniversary of my presence living in West Virgnia – crazy, that means that a year ago, I was driving cross-country on my way fulfilling my one year commitment to live with my parents and assist the youth and the church here. Little did I know what God really had in store for my life. Soon after arriving, I got engaged to a wonderfully made and handsome man of God named David who truly is a man after God’s own heart. I did assist the youth– both at church, the community and at a adolescent drug rehabilitation center, where I soon found employment. 


 I endured my first real Winter with snowstorms and icy roads, totaled the newest car I’ve ever owned just 2 weeks after purchasing it and was face to face with all kinds of wild animals (mostly on these country West Virginia roads) – For 8 months, I lived with my parents after having been on my own for 5 years –truly, this was a blast  . Let’s see, while working full time, planning a wedding, house chores and taking care of family responsibilities along with all of the commitments in ministry such as leading our weekly young adult bible study “Greenhouse” along with David and his former roommate at their Morgantown apartment, planning an East Coast women’s conference, various special youth events, touring Christmas choir and being a taxi to my younger high-school siblings – life was full of excitement.

 June 7th, I got married then moved out of my parents home and in with mi amor, David who had been preparing our home for us. We honeymooned in the Bahamas then returned home to everything again before flying back out to California to visit with more of my family and also attend our church World Conference in Arizona. We had an amazing time celebrating our new marriage there and getting ministered to, my husband also received a miracle as God healed his back that had been injured since childhood. We then returned back home again to our full schedules of life, work and ministry. 

 Today, I am a student again, a Masters of Social Work 2010 candidate, in my 6th week of graduate school at WVU, and doing my internship at my employment site part-time while David works and plays with his band as they prayerfully prepare for a record deal. We are both attending my parents church in Praise Chapel Terra Alta, about an hour up the mountains from where we live in Morgantown. It’s a beautiful drive, although the winter is coming again and the snow can make the roads very treacherous. David now leads the youth full band worship team and leads in worship every other Sunday. This is an answered prayer for my parents whom have desired live worship for four years! I continue to minister in Vocals on the worship team, and assist with teaching Sunday school, greeting, usheretting and working the sound system (alternating at least two ministries each Sunday, of course). Those who remember how it is to be apart of a baby church know that this is how it goes.

 The Greenhouse ministry is also bearing fruit and God is moving tremendously in the young adults who are a part of it. Last Friday, we had a record 17 people – some had to sit on the floor and even stand in the doorways because the room was so full. God is bringing in more college students from the #1 party school in the nation which is only a block away. A couple of months ago, God led us to start a series studying the book of Genesis – it’s been very exciting as we have grown into having intense discussions on God’s Creation as compared to the world’s Evolution theories. Greenhouse is also hosting a shoe drive along with Praise Chapel to collect new shoes and socks to be sent to orphans around the world. 

 It is definitely an exciting time right now with everything going on and it will only get more exciting with our baby on the way!!! Yes, I saved the best for last – David and I are 7 weeks pregnant!!! We are excited and as nervous as any newlywed, young, busy couple can be. This news may not come as a surprise to some of you as we have received numerous remarks of dreams and such that would soon have a baby. As I remain confident of God’s plans in my families life, and as He prepares us for this new exciting addition to our family - Please keep us in your prayers. Our baby is due the first week of May which is also my Finals week of school. As of now, I plan to continue school and work with my professors to maintain all assignments, i.e. however we are open to whatever God wills. 

 Again, miss you all and David and I hope to visit California again very soon. Take care and know that God knows that plans He has for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you Hope and a Future (Jeremiah 29:11). In closing, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God, truly He has given me the desires of my heart, desires that I had not even known until He gave them to me. “For if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of Your heart” Psalms 37:4. 

 Truly, God writes the most beautiful love stories imagineable.
 
 
Til next time,
 
 Carmen Rose Abreu

Journey to WV: (September 5, 2007)

Hey Friends and Family!!!

As most of you may know already, I will be departing
on September 20th for a drive across the country on a
journey of a one-year mission to assist the pioneering
Praise Chapel Ministry in Terra Alta, West Virginia. 
I along with a close friend Cynthia Amezcua have been
prayerfully making preparations for our move for
several months now and as the date comes closer, we
wish to share some events and information that we
invite you to participate in with us.

A little more about why we would leave Sunny So Cal in
exchange for a small town in the appalacian mountains
of Preston County, West Virginia.  Long Story short -
God asked us to and we desire nothing more than to do 
His will, not our own.  As young adults, heavily
involved in various ministries and community orgs in
our hometowns, we would like to take the visions we
have to Terra Alta, WV where we can assist in various
ministries and activities that are currently not in
place due to lack of resources nor willing assistance.
West Virginia is currently ranked the 2nd poorest
State in the Country and Children rank 47th of 50th in 
Overall Well-being (US Census).  Our Vision is to see
that these numbers change, one child, one youth and
one family at a time.  We will be committing to serve
under Praise Chapel Terra Alta, West Virginia with 
Pastors Wally and Norma Oviedo and assist them in any
and all church ministries including: Sunday School,
Worship Team, Youth Ministry, In His Steps Preschool
and Learning Center (state certified Praise Chapel 
Christian Pre-school), Womens Ministry, i.e.

Two other Goals include:
- Establishing a Greenhouse Young Adult Bible Study
in Morgantown, West Virginia (one-hour down the
mountains from Terra Alta) and also home to the 
infamous West Virginia University Mountaineers.  WVU
also currently ranks as the #1 Party school in the
nation.  Please be in prayer with us in this as in all
things especially.
- Establishing a Community Youth Center.  I am 
currently editing a final proposal which I will be
submitting for State and other non-profit Grants in
attempt to purchase or lease a building and make it
into a state-certified Christian Community Youth
Center (kinda like the YMCA) that will be a safe haven 
for families, children and youth hosting several
social services programs.

These goals of ours no doubt will come with
challenges, but in these days we live in, when do we
not have challenges to overcome right? "How beautiful 
on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good
news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who
proclaim salvation..." Isaiah 52

As we make our final prepartations, we invite you to a
few events coming up:

#1 - Fundraiser Bake Sale
     When? Thursdays, Sept. 6th, 13th 2007
     Time? 6:30-8:30 pm
     Location? Frisco Burgers in Downey, CA
               Frontline Warriors Bike Night 

#2 - Going-Away Celebration
     When? Saturday, Sept. 8th
     Time? 1:30pm
     Location? 7908 Melva St. Downey, CA 90241

#3 - Yard Sale (need to get rid of lots of stuff) new
      and used (all funds will go toward gas money 
      for our cross-country drive) -- Donations of
     furniture, and man labor i.e are gladly accepted.
        When? Saturday, Sept. 15th
        Time? 7:00am - 2:00pm
        Location? 5225 Live Oak st. Cudahy CA. 
                 (Cross streets Wilcox/Florence Ave)

#4 - Greenhouse Bible Study Sending off meeting and
     fellowship
         When? Friday, Sept. 14th, 2007
         Time? 8:00pm
         Location? Parra's house. 
                Ibetson Rd. Downey, CA.
                (for directions, call me)

#5 - Attached letter asking for support through
     prayer and finances.  If you or you know of any
organizations with a mission to serve 
underrepresented, low-income and impoverished
communities, please pass this flyer along.  All
donations are tax deductible.  All donations will go
directly toward the furtherance of the mission towards
expanding God's kingdom through children and youth 
ministry activities as well as the establishment of
the youth center.

Thank you for your time.  I will miss you (despite how
long we may have known one another)...just as I will
miss Sunny and beautiful California, the Beach, my 
friends and family, my beautiful nephews and nieces,
LTA Sisters, CSUF friends, Praise Chapel Brothers and
Sisters, my Greenhouse peeps, my sistahs, the poetry
lounge in hollywood, my car :( , and all that Cali and 
people here has imparted into my life...Thank you all
and God Bless you!

For Questions don't hesitate to call me!

In His Service,
Carmen Rose Renteria
Rosechic02@yahoo.com 

Journey to WV: ( October 1, 2007)

Hey Friends and Family!!!

It's taken me longer than I planned to update you
all on my latest journeys. As planned, I left last
Thursday, September 20th for a roadtrip cross country
to West Virginia. I will be here for at least a year
working with youth, children and families in my career
as well as with my family through church ministries. 
After a little over 2-days of driving from the West to
East Coast, I arrived on Sunday Morning (30 min.
before sunday service) and have been busy beyond
belief since then getting settled, opening bank
accounts, job hunting, helping with home/family and
church activities, i.e.. 

I'm so blessed to have many great things to share
since my arrival:
First, a great job opportunity was offered to me
working at The Olympic Center, a teen drug and alcohol
recovery center here in the mountains. I will be a
behavioral health counselor making pretty decent money
(especially for this area). It's full-time, with great
benefits, and great coworkers...I did fingerprinting
already and will start as soon as I get clearance...as
if that weren't enough...I'll be working alongside
DAvid (my fiance --- he proposed Last Night!!!!
AHHH...so my children will be
Dominican-Mexican-American....not including the foster
and/or children we plan to adopt......crazy!!! God is
so good and so faithful!!! ) So new job,
man-of-my-dreams/husband to be, new home in the
mountains and so much more that has yet to come...

Other plans here which I've mentioned before are
the Youth Center that will be established, funding is
still in the works and a location in the process of
being confirmed...when it is, things we'll be busier,
getting state licensed and getting the center up and
running that will offer after-school programming,
mentor programs, counseling, various focus groups,
recreational activities, i.e. I'll be applying for
grad school as well in a few months (though I have no
idea yet where i'll be...since David is from NYC, my
heart is back in Cali and yet we both find ourselves
in West Virginia at the moment)...Life is full of
surprises...in any case, I won't be leaving my
committment here at Praise Chapel Terra Alta (the
reason I came) until I complete my year-long mission. 
We already had a youth service last (friday) night
which was great. 10 youth showed up though we envision
a packed church full of 'em soon. Our first Greenhouse
Young Adult bible study is set for this coming
thursday, October 4th. Flyers have been made and we
begin outreaching tonite at the Preston County's
annual "Buckwheat Festival" (the biggest event of the
year in the area)

So all in God's timing, things are happening...it's
so exciting to be a part of what God is doing here in
Terra Alta, West Virginia and the surrounding
communities...

In closing this email, I pray the best for all of
you and please keep me posted with any and everything.
Remember to live with No Regrets and keep up the
awesome work...Love and Miss you!

Carmen Renteria (soon to be Ms. Abreu)

Hump-Day

De-cluttering my home while the littles nap.  Sorting out too-small clothes while folding laundry, matching socks for 3 small pairs of feet, then putting it all away only to do it all over again can be exhausting and a never-ending task - but as worship music plays in the background, I am humbled, and find myself, counting it ALL a joy. Have a blessed day y'all and remember - You Are BLESSED!  

Places I've nursed

I was recently talking with a friend about nursing in public and we started going back and forth as to the places where we have nursed.  I decided that it would be a fun post to write about and a great thing to have these memories in writing for me to look back on whenever I'm feeling defeated, tired, or forget just how awesome and exciting raising kids can be :D

In no particular order:
1) An Airplane - numerous commercial flights from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh, to Orlando, to NYC and Santiago, Dominican Republic and everywhere in between. Not too exciting. When traveling solo with a baby, I tried to sit next to other moms with babies if there weren't two seats together.  I once sat between two grown men which was an interesting experience being as though my boys had a loud suck which often drew attention from people far across the room from me.  Needless to say, I may have flashed a few strangers if they happened to be staring right in my direction while nursing since none of my kids liked to have their faces covered by my "hooter hider" but...there are worse things that can happen.

2) In graduate school classes - I had to take my middle son to class for the first 3 weeks of a semester when he was 5-8 weeks old because the childcare center on campus only took infants at 8weeks.  All of my professors were supportive of the arrangements and for the most part, my son would nap throughout the 3-hour class.  We usually were given a 15 minute break which is when I might change a diaper or start nursing. Fortunately, infants sleep ALOT and my professors and peers were super supportive and loved having a baby in class.

3) In a Higher Education planning meeting - I would have avoided this situation if I could have but there was just no going around it.  I didn't have childcare, I had to go to this meeting and speak/give input and my son joined us.  He began to get fussy mid-way through the meeting so I just gave him the boob to keep him entertained and quiet - minus his loud sucking noises which were hard to ignore, I was grateful that nobody in the meeting made a big deal of it.

4) In a church service  - This is a no-brainer.  Nursing during a teaching or preaching.  Besides the loud burp my babies would make that happened to always coincide with the minister's silent pause in speech, all was fine.  Although I did read once that a mother was asked to leave church and told she could not breastfeed during service - this never happened to me.  It's important to note that I always use some kind of cover-up and am as modest and quiet as I can be so not to gain any attention.  **Churches that have mommy rooms or nursing rooms are also AWESOME!

5) New York City Subway - I've nursed a couple of my kids in the subways,  it was feeding time, and I nursed them.

6) The Intrepid Carrier - I was walking around, taking a tour, my son was hungry, I nursed him as we walked.  Nothing too exciting.

7) Local Parks - all the time.

8) California, Maryland and New Jersey Beaches

9) At friend's houses

10) At my house, in every room

11) In the shower

12) On the train - Amtrak train

13) In the movie theater

14) At the mall (In the kids play area, food court and while walking around)

15) Around an Outdoor Bonfire (In both public and private home settings)

16) At the local community swimming pool

17) In a Target aisle

18) In Sam's club

19) Inside PETCO while walking with my boys checking out the fish

20) At home - In my front yard, back yard, drive-way, bathroom, all 3 bedrooms, family room, every room basically except for the closets and the garage.

21) Can't seem to think anymore right now..kids woke up from naps..I'll have to revise this later..

Tips on Being Married to an Introvert

I came across a few articles recently on the topic of "Extroverts married to Introverts".  As I approach my 6-year wedding anniversary, I realize how much I am still learning about my husband - how he gains energy, interacts and all that is involved with how we, together, socially interact, refuel emotionally and in essence, how WE live this thing called life.

Introverts find social interaction to be TIRING - perhaps even EXHAUSTING.  This can have a HUGE impact on a marriage, which usually revolves around doing things, going places, raising children TOGETHER. Extroverts such as I, have a tendency to think they are right, the way we choose to spend our time is RIGHT and that there is something wrong with the introvert - which can cause some problems.  It is reported that Extroverts make up about 80% of the world's population with Introverts being in the minority (20%).  Chances are, you know an introvert and could likely marry, be married to be very close to one.  Introversion is not the same as being shy, socially awkward or antisocial. Introversion simply means that spending time by yourself helps you to have energy, while spending time with people - depletes your energy, making one "moody, grumpy, irritable, closed-off" and any other number of things that one must learn to cope with. This energy is usually emotional or mental, but can frequently translate to physical energy, as well.  Social situations like parties or sporting events are simply "over-stimulating", even if it appears that an introvert is having fun - which can be the CONFUSING part for the "non-introvert" within the marriage. With all of that said, Introversion can be a challenging trait to bring into a marriage ALTHOUGH the same can be said for EXTROVERSION.

The following is a brief overview of my personal experience as well as some general tips for making introversion WORK in your marriage.  It is possible.  Challenging at times, but very possible.

My story: David and I began our courtship living across the country from one another so his introversion came as somewhat of a "WHAT?! WHY?!" kind of reaction.  I wasn't exposed to his "introversion" until we were married.  Yes, that's right, it wasn't until our honeymoon actually that I first had the reaction of "Why don't you want to explore the Bahamas all day?!" type of reaction.  During our courtship, we only saw eachother in-person 27 days and those days and I think we were both excited to be around eachother that I didn't notice any introversion tendencies.  During our engagement we spent maybe 1 day a week together and again, our excitement for exploring restaurants together or attending social gatherings with one another was nothing out of the norm for me.  It wasn't until after we married, that we moved into our own apartment together and finally, we were spending every day/night together - more time than ever before that I began to notice just how different our personalities were from one another. I don't consider myself a complete Extrovert and enjoy some quiet/alone time too and I won't begin to consider my personality to be "superior" by any means.  I had studied the terms introvert/extrovert in college psychology courses yet it took me years to truly grasp that I was married to an Introvert.  I couldn't understand why David would complain about going to social gatherings or to my family's house for holiday weekends or why it seemed he always just wanted to be home.  A true homebody is what I would refer him as while I was the "busy-bee", always trying to make plans outside our home.  The birth of our first born son only heightened my annoyances with my husband's introversion as I couldn't fathom how my husband could possibly argue about NOT wanting to spend an entire day at Disneyland or attend 2 kid-birthday parties in a row on a Saturday afternoon.  Our son would LOVE doing those things so how could we not want to take him or do those things with our child?! Am I right or am I right?! 

Today: My marriage today is successful and although we still have arguments about how his introversion meshes into our family of five with all of the social events that go on - I am proud of my marriage, proud of where we are, the genuine love and mutual respect that we have for one another. I admit that I still struggle at times with not being understanding or respectful of my husband's need to have his "alone time" so that he can REFUEL his emotional energy BUT after several years of practice, long hours of discussion, numerous arguments had, lots of literature read on the subject, prayer and lots of apologizing, I have a few pieces of knowledge, words of advice, whatever you want to call this list, to share.  I hope someone reading this might find it helpful and KNOW that I too am practicing these tips and STRIVING to do these better myself every new day.  If you're married to an Introvert too, remember that this world is an Extrovert World, so imagine how difficult it is for our spouse to live daily where most people do not care to understand Introversion. Let's love and embrace our spouse, accept them and as the serenity prayer goes, pray for the wisdom to know the difference.  (*The list is derives from several articles that I read in an effort to be a better wife to an introvert and quite possibly, a mother to one)

1. Be LOVE

Love is patient, love is kind, love does not get angry.  Easy to say, at times - very hard to do. These are things I still struggle with but I am working on. I have recognized that I can be demanding and "demanding" shuts him down, which makes me more demanding, which makes him shut down that much more. It is a vicious cycle. The key is breaking the cycle. Be love and ask God to help you both.

• 2. Set aside time for your spouse to be a homebody

  A little alone time is simply more important to your spouse’s well-being than social interaction. That means you may be sitting on the couch watching a movie more often than you thought you were going to or limiting how long you stay at a social gathering together.  Just keep in mind that your spouse is sitting there, watching that movie with you, which means that you have been invited into his/her private bubble. From an introvert's view, that is a LOT of love! Also, if your spouse enjoys hanging out in his man-cave, gets energized by playing video games or rebuilding his computer at home or doing any number of seemingly "isolated/alone" tasks that we DON"T GET, let them be, let them enjoy that (as long as it isn't harming anyone) and realize that they are home and "not out at a bar or hanging with their guys" as my husband likes to tell me. Oh, and just for the record, interrupting his/her "alone time" for a quick hug and kiss is perfectly acceptable!

  3. Be willing to cancel plans and create alternatives

  Let’s say you and your spouse have plans to go to a birthday dinner party on Friday night. You’re both excited about it, although you expect your spouse to talk to only one or two close friends while you circle the room. Now let’s say your spouse had unexpected meetings at work that day and feels extra stressed, leaving him feeling totally drained. A dinner party, even with friends that you look forward to seeing, can be REALLY exhausting and even kind of PARALYZING at that point.  This part can be VERY hard to do but "Adapting your plans accordingly will help your spouse feel loved and cared for".  

  4. Ask your spouse questions. Email/Text are more than fine.

  Use open ended questions sparingly. Open ended questions will only provide disappointment when the answer that is expected is not given. Start with small, closed ended "yes or no" questions. This will lead into open ended questions and then perhaps, a conversation!  Also, asking questions is important but must be done at the right time-you'll figure out when this time is. Now, your spouse may not realize that you want to even know what they think since generally they keep their thoughts private (in part because they have so many of them).  Since introverts find social situations less appealing than extroverts, they may have a hard time communicating their needs simply because they don’t have as much practice! That’s why it is important to ask questions if you want information.  Asking them in an email, using bullet-points so not to overwhelm them, or via text message is also a useful tip. 

  5. Entertain yourself

  If you expect your introverted sweetheart to be engaged with you all the time, you’re going to be disappointed, not to mention, lonesome. Schedule some time to hang out with friends if your social needs are not being met, or at the very least, find something to do that makes YOU excited.  You may even plan trips with other family members or friends that you would enjoy that your spouse might feel too overwhelmed to share with you.  This is another hard one for me, especially with our growing family of three children - but I am grateful that my husband encourages me to do things on my own - as long as HE is the one I come home and tell all of my stories to.  For the record, Extroverts (or Ambiverts --- between the two) also benefit and even CRAVE ALONE TIME as well  - just not as often.

  7. Compromise. 

• If I could give one word to sum up what it takes to survive any kind of relationship between introverts and extroverts or in any marriage for that matter, it is COMPROMISE. In everything you and your spouse do together whether it be date nights, watching movies, enjoying conversation, and even raising children, the key is compromise.  

In closing, marriage is a beautiful thing.  No marriage is easy. Marriages between an introvert and an extrovert have an extra set of challenges BUT it is still very good.  Work at it, don't grow weary, find hope in knowing that God created you both to be UNIQUE and to GROW in love TOGETHER!